I have the attention span of a toddler and a memory span of a 90 year-old all conveniently (dis)arranged in a 17-year-old wreck of a soul. I am not a noun. I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process, an integral function of the universe. I’m simply a human fill-in-the-blank.

This will serve as my outlet and where I shall vent. This is also a place for my ramblings and my interests. I will post whatever tickles my fancy, catches my eye and flips my ship. My blog is never consistent; but expect rants, thoughts and pictures. Pictures aren't mine unless stated.

About Me x #cheeseberber
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6 / 1 / 2012
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work
school
academics
responsibility
officer
future
student

Dilemma

So I’m looking at my planner, and it’s filled with to-do-lists (schoolwork, work, and social outings). Anyway, I realize that I have a lot to do this year. It’s probably my most important year yet to date, talking academically. A lot of people told me since freshmen year that I have a lot of time to figure out and to know what I want to do with my life. But I have and I really want to be a neuro-surgeon. I’m currently I’m a sophomore, incoming junior in the next school year.

I like change and I wanted to challenge myself; that’s the whole reason I wanted to take the responsibility (being an officer) in the first place, to be in a new environment, to meet new people, to experience new things on my own, to find myself. Adapting to those changes is what will make me more independent and versatile. This school year has been easy-peasy, chill but our junior year is hell. Literally. And that’s one of my biggest fears - Would I be able to handle it? Will I pull through it? Can I balance my responsibilities & my academics?

I’m sitting here thinking of the endless possibilities of what to do and where to go. But for some reason even though I know I have a lot to get done, I want to take another risk. I would say I’m more anxious than nervous. I guess, life might be too boring if you knew what was going to happen. 

I’ll try my best to be okay with uncertainty. I have a lot on my plate. Usually I would I feel overwhelmed, but at the moment the stress hasn’t kicked in YET. Things are going smooth and that frightens me. Things aren’t supposed to be this good for long. Something’s about to creep up on me and ruin and everything. I can feel a tidal wave coming, and to tell the truth… I’m scared I might not handle it well. 

I’M SUCH A CONTRADICTORY PERSON! And I’m rambling again. :/

  1. cheeseberber posted this